The Cancer was really all consuming. It took over everything in our lives. There was almost no space left for anything else. It sometimes really felt if it was suffocating me, us.
And now with our daughter being given the all clear it is as if more space arrives. Suddenly I can think beyond hospitals, beyond tests, scans, waiting. Check-ups are the only reminder.
Also she has just finished her final school exams and will soon head out into the world beyond schools, beyond relative safety. Being extremely thankful is a very mild way of putting how I felt when we heard that the cancer was gone. I know that God is still and ultimately in control. I hold on to that.
Sometimes it actually feels weird doing ‘normal’ stuff again. Things I did more than a year ago. It feels if I haven’t done certain things for a very very long time. Not only a year ago. I need to gather new confidence to start anew, to believe in myself again. And that is where I am at.